Cleaning and scrubbing will wait ’till tomorrow, but children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs! Dust go to sleep! I’m rocking my baby. Babies don’t keep. – Ruth Hamilton

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Heartbreak

I have so much I should be posting...pictures of Lincoln growing and Avery trying new things, but all I can do is be sad. My heart is breaking for my son-my baby-my child. Right now, I'm too sad to write, but here I am writing about my sadness. Through this whole experience I want to document what we are feeling... It's not good. It's not fun. And it just SUCKS SO BAD!!! Why? Why us? Why our family? We do nothing but good!! Damn! I want to start over and be crazy three kids under three. Not crazy family with a sick child. I want to know how we will overcome such emotions, such stress, such madness! For us... All we want is more... More of everything. More people surrounding us that we want to say, "GET AWAY!!!" I want that. I need that! I know for sure I don't want to be alone in this journey! This is stuff you read about, not stuff you go through! Nothing matters anymore. Anger towards others...no more for me! Mack matters! Mack needs me! Mack needs more! This week my goal is to get back on track. I want to go back work and have my happy place:)we shall Know more soon... Okay I needed a moment to grieve and I want others to know its okay to do so!

Thursday, January 24, 2013

As of Today...

Note: this has been written very fast. Sorry for any mistakes!

On Tuesday we got word that Mack's platelet count had dropped another 10,000 over the weekend. We immediately ran home to pack everyone up-not knowing how long we were going to be gone. Wednesday morning we had an appointment with a new doctor. A hematology doctor.

When we arrived our nerves were spiked because the hematology department is with the oncology department...our thoughts were they're about to tell us it's cancer!

Because we have been drawing blood every week, they had noticed a drop in his platelets but not significant-until these past few weeks. Right away the doctor had an idea of what was going on (and our amazing friend meagan) Evidentially, there is something called hepatitis associated aplastic anemia...what!?!

In these very rare cases-they have had about five in twenty years-their bodies attack the liver first (his is fine now) and then about two months later it attacks the bone marrow.

For us this was kind of a let down. After two and a half months, we finally had some kind of idea what was going on. It wasn't something untreatable! But had we not had such amazing doctors surrounding us...it could have been fatal.

They gave him a platelet transfusion. His room wasn't ready so he had to do it in a room with other kids getting treatments. That was hard to see! But Mack slept through it all-in my lap, and I loved every second of getting to hold him.

Yesterday was a bone marrow biopsy. Not a pleasant thing for Mack! He woke up in a rage, but after some pain medicine he calmed down and finally fell asleep last night around nine. Avery and Lincoln have also been brought into this. My mom, mark's mom and mark brought them up last night to draw blood. Avery was VERY mad!!! Now we wait to see if they're a match. It's not a for sure thing-a bone marrow transplant is a very big deal and requires a lot of time in the hospital and puts two of our kids under.

We might be able to try medicine first. He most likely will have to have a port put in. Hopefully that will be later and we can can go home for a few days! Life in the hospital is NO fun and very hard with two other ones who need parents as well.

Right now it's all about waiting...it's the collection of information period. We might not have a plan until the end of next week. Everyone pray for us to be able and use medicine. A transplant would be hard on him!









Saturday, January 19, 2013

Macklin Update

We have been hearing nothing but great news these past few months...then just like when it all started we were hit with a brick-again.

Mack has been bruising really bad the last few weeks. If he slightly hit something, it was a huge black bruise. I was concerned and talked to the doctors. They said to watch it and then this week they tested his platelet count. He dropped from 70 some thousand to 30 thousand. In a week. That is why we have noticed the change in him.

Before I go on, I have to add that we have amazing doctors surrounding us-some of the best. They personally call us every week! Not only do we have them, we also have our pediatrician and his nurse that we are talking to weekly. And on top of all of them, our friend who is an amazing doctor there in St. Louis, has been spending so much time on the phone explaining things even more in depth.

With this being said, we trust all of them and they all have done more for us then we will ever be able to express to them!

Because of them, we are able to step in and START OVER with Mack and his health. His liver enzymes are where they need to be, but we have stopped the medicine that brought his numbers down. This could be the cause of his platelets dropping- but it's not typical. We were told it's back to the beginning. Now his body might be fighting his platelets.

Due to the low platelet count, we were told to watch him. We were told to keep a two year old from bumping into things...easier said than done! If he bumped too hard we were looking at internal bleeding. Actually we were told to watch all forms of bleeding because it could start from anywhere.

We told our nanny this and I kept Avery with me all day at work to let Emily be focused on Mack. So, on Thursday when we were at work he slipped and fell on his Tonka truck! Mark rushed him to our pediatrician where he was checked out. He was fine, but I'm not sure we were or the doctors

The next morning the doctor from St. Louis called and said she didn't want to go into the weekend with the anxiety from yesterday. She wanted his platelets to be rechecked!

What a day Friday brought...waiting all day to hear if he was going to need an infusion or not. She called later in the afternoon to tell us he did drop, but not by much. It was then our decision to give an infusion. That was an easy NO! Now, we wait until Monday where he will be checked again. We go next Wednesday to meet with the hemoglobin team as well as our other doctors.

I am writing this to update everyone-it's much easier than sending a million text messages and phone calls. I'm also writing it out to write it all out. I'm in a haze-how do parents do this? The emotional roller coaster? We were all in such a good place- work was great, we were working out, making fun plans on the weekend...it goes on. Now it's all at a stop! We have been trying to be positive through it all and have been holding it together. Now I want to do nothing. I want to be a bum. I want to be sad!


People ask how Mack is-he acts and looks fine! He loves to play and is even potty training through this! We're so close! Hopefully it's not back to the hospital. As you can see he is Mack:









Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The Things They Say

video
No need to explain...They have their own conversations and I think it's hilarious to catch them in action!

Lincoln is also beginning to make his bonds.  He tries to jump out of our arms when they are dancing or playing.  Here Avery is trying to snuggle with him:

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Making It Work

I love my work schedule.  I am only away from the kids two full days and two half days (when their napping) with Fridays off.  This gives me time to be at home with them, but also keeps me connected to my love...teaching.  Some ask, "how can you be part time as a teacher?" 

Our school is very unique-we are a laboratory school on a college campus.  This lets me mentor college students, teach college classes and work in the classroom.  I love it!  At first I felt like I wasn't able to do both perfect (let me be clear...neither will EVER be perfect because life is not perfect. I got over that!) but since Lincoln is getting older it's all falling into place.  I was still going back and forth between wanting to be home full time.  Now, I know why I need that time out of the house!  Plus, it's easy to go somewhere when the people are my family-they have seen me get married, have babies and everything else in between.  When Mack got sick they were there for our family a lot!

Avery comes with me two days a week.  We get to spend time in the morning while she eats her breakfast in my classroom.  Then, I walk her over to her school and get to pop my head in every once in awhile-plus they have observation booths, so I get to watch her sometimes.  The preschool is amazing and Avery loves her teachers (special wink to Miss Taylor-she loves you)-plus I feel they give my baby extra attention.  More than most places would.  Next year Mack will be joining her and they will go full time...I hope.

We took a break while Mack was sick to help with keeping our house germ free, but it didn't seem to matter.  Since we have been back in our schedule, there has been no crying and she has even made a new friend.  Last Thursday she came home and wanted to practice writing her name.

I'm not sure why this year seems to be working better.  Maybe because I'm finally not pregnant and we have a better routine.  Or one of our Christmas gifts was a cleaning person!! Or our MeMe is amazing with our kids and they are happy.  Who knows, but we're making it work.

 Last week on Monday and Wednesday we started swim lessons-this has been a nice way to get Mack out of the house.  They both cried the first day, but the second day went well (not going to lie here, I had to bribe them with suckers:)).  I have to leave the pool area in order for them to focus and if everything keeps looking up for Mack, I hope to keep these up until the summer.

Since everything with Mack, we have also calmed down.  He is still getting blood work weekly because his white blood cells are dropping, but we are slowly getting of the steroids.  I can't wait for these to be gone!

My point of this post is, life gets crazy but when there is a Friday in January and it's going to be 60+ degrees...we get to go to the park with friends.  I have come to peace with my balance of work and mommyhood and we make it work for our family.

  

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

LOVE!

video

Tonight I decided to catch Mack on camera.  The video isn't the best because I was holding the camera, but it gives a glimpse of what he does with books.

I never know if he's listening, but lately he has been loading his bed with books and I hear him reading to himself.  He carries them around and asks Avery to read to him.

In the last couple of weeks we started to hear him read with us.  I wish I could get him when we are in his room alone, but this is as good as I will get.  There are some distractions-like something on his leg, the camera, his sister, the Hippo (thanks Tara-he's obsessed!), and the book is falling apart.  He knows this book and has been reading it to us.  I love the way he says the words and his kissable cheeks!  To the half moon and back Mack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Back to Life...Back to Reality


Holidays, Holidays, Holidays!!!  I feel like we were so consumed by the holidays.  It's back to life and back to reality.  No more staying in our PJ's all day and playing with our new toys.  This momma was ready to get back to it and more motivated to work and workout than ever before.  That is probably why the new year feels so fresh and revitalizing-you are burnt out from the holidays!

We did a lot of family activities over the break and we also got some play dates in with friends.  The only time I thought to take pictures was this day with their friend!  Corrine came over with her momma and they played for about three hours while the mommas got caught up!  Thank you Sara and Corrine-we can't wait for another break!


 We have only had one day from last week and a few days so far that were "normal", but starting this week is a typical work week, typical 5:45 in the morning work outs, and SWIM LESSONS. 
 
In the past I have taught the lessons-in return a free membership to the gym, but no more!  I want them to learn from someone else and I want to just pay for my membership-so not worth it:)
 
At the beginning of this week we will jump with two feet in to our normal lives and get back into some kind of routine!!!!!
 
But Sunday we played (because we decided to drive back from the lake and they all fell asleep-which messes EVERYTHING up!!!)  So we played.
 

Monday, January 7, 2013

Why Fix Something When It's Not Broke?

Uggg... Another change...

Am I happy? Yes.

Am I sad that we are slowly transitioning out of the baby stage? Yes...No...

I am excited for our Mack to begin his transition into a normal size bed.  Like my title asks why fix something that isn't broken?  Mack LOVES his crib!  He refuses to have anything in his crib-no pillow-no blanket.  For a little boy that is almost topping out at 40 LBS it seems a bit uncomfortable. 
 
We decided this weekend we were going to buck it up and buy him a full size mattress.  Then, I was at the store to buy the rail and let him pick out his sheets and thought maybe we should start slow.
 
It's not broken, but since the hospital and his steroids, the kid wakes up SO early.  We are not used to this in our household and it's getting old.  He wants to come down stairs and lay on the couch with the iPad...ummm NO!  SLEEP!! 
So it's not broken, but there has to be a better way.  And here is where we decide to transition him to a toddler bed...
Just like when Avery got her new bed her brother was with her.  Avery wanted to be a part of his whole transition.  Mack was super excited to share.  He carried his new bedding around the entire time at the store.
 
I hope we can talk him into something a little more than Cars, but when you let them pick, you have to be ready for what they pick!
They are practicing for a sleep over.  I keep telling them the day is getting closer when they can sleep together.
Even though he has gone through so much...he is still a little two year old with lots of changes.
I have to add that this little man was participating the whole time!
Bye. Bye. Crib!  Now the Watson household only has one crib!  Yippee!!!  We went from three to one in one year!

Sunday, January 6, 2013

A Bonding Experience

Our kids (like I always say) are blessed with so many young cousins their age.  Cohan is 6 months in between Avery and Mack.  They have been growing up together and slowly through the two in a half years have begun to play with each other.  It's fun to watch them interact and get to have a buddy that is also family.

We haven't seen Cohan in a while and haven't had much time with him now that they are getting older.  We decided (for our sanity) we needed to get out of the house this weekend, so we headed to the lake.  Nanny and Papa H. were going as well and brought their cousin.  It was so nice to get to know him more and to get the kids used to playing together without fighting over toys.  It took some time to end the bickering, but once they got over that it was total chaos!!!  I am learning to embrace the chaos and kept stating this during the evening.

It really reminded me of how crazy I would get with my cousins.  I'm pretty sure it was stressing their Papa out, but how can you tell two 2 year olds and a 3 year old to stop running and having fun?  They played, played, oh and played all day and into the night.  We did have to get out of the house and attempted eating dinner out...it was okay minus the water spilt on me by my two year old:)

Below are pictures from this truly amazing bonding experience for our kids.  We hope he can come over for a sleep over soon!  


Breakfast at the lake
Mack doesn't have pants on for most of the pictures...potty training:)
My kids don't get to stay at Nanny and Papa H's house very often, so all the toys were new and fun to explore!
watching boats was a huge activity
After dinner we snuggled up on the couch to watch a movie
These two are great buddies.  They were pretending together-mostly Avery was the baby and Cohan was the mommy
Yes, this was moon sand and yes they had fun and yes it was one of the biggest messes I've EVER seen!

The kids got out of the house, got time with their cousin, and time with their grandparents.  They are exhausted, but it was worth it.  I think we have found a way to keep our sanity during this time with Mack...head to the lake!!

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Woot! Hoot! Party!!

My oh My New Years has changed.  No matter how late you stay up, they still wake up at the same time.  Our friend's kids got sick and the weather was no fun to drive in, so we made our own party.  This was a nice end to the year.  I am not going to lie and say sometimes I miss being able to have huge plans for New Years, so all those people out there that can...take advantage!!!  Some day we will have those days back, but for now we celebrated 2 and 3 year old style~







Avery is learning to take pictures!

Mark asked me today what my resolution was.  I don't believe in making huge changes, but the small/daily changes are much more helpful.  This year we will experience a lot of change.  Lincoln will turn a year (and we will make it a whole year without a pregnancy), Mack will be healthy, and Avery will surprise us everyday with her knowledge. 
Overall, my goal is to accept people for who they are.  They may not do the things I would do and I don't have to like it-it is what it is.  It's time to move on and have happy, supportive, loving, and positive people surrounding us!  No more spending time thinking about others that don't care the same as we do.  More time thinking about US!!!!

Oh and losing the rest of this annoying baby fat:) haha!  Happy New Year!  We welcome this year as a positive time and hope for Mack's liver to cooperate.