Tonight was one I will remember.
I am not perfect. I hope through my post I share my flaws... with that being said, I have always tried my best to be there individually for my children. Yes, I have lost a few kids along the way-not because we weren't taking care of our children, but because our children try to be independent to try and please their parents.
Tonight it hit me hard...
Avery has been sensitive lately, I thought it was because we traveled (which is a later post about New Years) and she was tired, but tonight she said it, "Mommy why don't you care enough about me to cheers me?"
"What? Avery I love you what do you mean?"
"On New Years, why did you only toast to Mack (She said Boo Boo) getting better and having a great year?"
"Avery, I'm so sorry you think that! Mommy and daddy love you! Mack is sick unlike you and Lincoln and we just hope he can be like you and your brother in the New Year-(Mack is nodding the whole time)."
"But you give Lincoln medicine to make him better which means he's sick..."
"Yes, we do because he had a cold..."
Okay you get the idea about this conversation. At this point I wasn't sure how to explain and I started to cry because the last few days flashed before me... "Mommy I JUST love you." " Mommy I'm good all the time right?"
Mack has our hearts wrenched, but hearing Avery as she is getting older cracks it! She understands what we say and before this we were used to taking care of three babies. Now, they are still OUR babies, but Avery is becoming a little girl completely aware of her surroundings. Now she can talk about the feelings she has probably had for the past year. All the Why's?!? I thought that was going to be far into the future when they were all older and we could talk as a family.
Any advice to this is welcome. I thank God every day for each and every one of my children. They have been placed here for a Purpose. Avery's Purpose is far greater than what we know, but for now she is our angle holding us together at times with her kindness and love for her family. This day was a day I will remember because she brought up questions I thought would come later.